Why do people pay for sex?
The answer is different for each client. However, if I had to sum it up in one word it would be: connection. That skin-on-skin connection and energy that we all crave as humans really has been the basis of my time as a sex worker. Feeling chemistry and energy between humans is what makes us feel our most alive.
But that question really does vary from one client to the next. For some, it may be that they just need to blow off some steam after a stressful week at work and have a release with another human rather than being at home on their own watching porn. Or, clients may simply want to party and have some fun, have a bit of escapism from the grinds of everyday life. Celebrating a particular occasion was always a popular reason (birthdays, promotion at work).
For others, they may feel like they want to be seen, to be heard, to be held. Perhaps they are feeling neglected or taken for granted in their personal life and a visit to a sex worker is one sure way of getting some much-needed attention. Or the client may be going through a really tough time mentality; depressed or suicidal. They may be grieving the loss of a loved one or going through a break-up. A visit to a sex worker is a form of therapy in itself. I am a natural empath and nurturer who exercises compassion, so I always had an awareness of client’s needs in that respect. There really is a healing side to sex work that a lot of people aren’t aware of.
Some clients might just be shy and lack confidence around women. So, visiting a sex worker is a way to help them learn how to be with a woman and build up their confidence. I think that some clients were looking for some form of love. The years taught me that sex work (for both client and sex worker) was never a healthy place to find love.
I have seen many clients over the years who have a specific fetish or fantasy that they want to act out (playing the office secretary or pretending to be their friend’s girlfriend were popular requests). Prostate massages were also high on the agenda. So, with a sex worker, they are in a safe space to explore those fetishes and fantasies without judgement and without shame, all within respected boundaries of course.
On the flip side, I am sure there were clients that I saw who were more ego-based (not many, only a few). Perhaps, a visit to a sex worker gave them a false sense of power, instant gratification and a much need ego boost. It filled void of feeling inadequate and somehow out of control. Perhaps there were elements of their personal life that they felt they were not in control of. Maybe they had been rejected by women in the past or faced challenges in their relationship with their mother.
I always remember one client saying to me years ago, ‘I’m not paying for you to stay, I’m paying for you to leave.’ It was so clear, simple and to the point and has stuck with me all these years. He didn’t want the commitment or drama of a relationship but still wanted to fulfil his needs. A booking with a sex worker was the perfect solution.
Aside from all of the above, I’d also say that loneliness was one of the main reasons. I visited many widowers who were living on their own. In a world of tech and dating apps, I am sure that many clients struggle to be on their own and no matter how good the apps, webcams or porn sites are, you can never fully replace human interaction and skin-on-skin connection.
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