The Power of Therapy
I am dedicating this week’s blog to my therapist, Lillyanne. A person whom I hold eternal gratitude for. Lillyanne changed my life, saved it in fact and I think it’s important for others to understand just how life changing therapy can be.
Before Lillyanne I was a classic people-pleaser. Always putting everyone else before myself, never wanting to upset anyone or rock the boat. I had a deep desire to be liked and for everyone to feel good in my presence. I didn’t feel that my needs were important. As a result, one toxic relationship led to another and then onto abusive relationships with the last one almost ending my life. That was the turning point when I finally said no more. It was around this time that I met Lillyanne.
Our sessions began with focusing on nurturing my inner child. The little girl who did not receive the emotional nurture she so desperately craved as a child now needed ‘adult Elizabeth’ to take care of her. Week by week we’d delve deeper into connecting to that needy inner child whilst also focusing on establishing boundaries and learning to say ‘no.’ I began to rewire my thought patterns by learning new, healthier behaviours. Like anything that has been a subconscious habit for so many years it took time, but week by week I slowly began to see glimmers of change. A bit like exercising a muscle, the more I did it the easier it got. The driving force behind it all was never forgetting how low I felt after the last abusive relationship and swearing never to go back there ever again. It wasn’t worth taking my own life for.
Connecting dots back to childhood was a revelation. Quite scary now that I look back and really feel for the younger version of myself who had no idea of what she was going through. But connecting those dots was a hugely important part of the process because understanding the reasons why I was doing what I was doing was crucial in order for me to make the changes and make better decisions.
Making the decision to no longer drink alcohol or take drugs became a very important step. I’d decided that I’d had enough of making stupid decisions whilst under the influence of alcohol and that it was time to stop. I now understand that all the years of totally obliterating myself with drugs and alcohol were to block out traumas from my past. But it never made me feel better in the long run, the hangovers and comedowns became unbearable. So over time through therapy, I began to make wiser choices; meditating, walking, writing, reading, talking to friends, cutting out toxic people and lots of herbal teas became game changers. Understanding triggers was pivotal. Because it was in the moments of being triggered when I would turn to drugs and alcohol. So in understanding them, I was able to change my decision-making process right in that moment of vulnerability and heightened emotions. Now, I can automatically self-soothe and nurture myself at a time that would have previously sent me spiraling. It took a few years to get to this point but because of the positive therapy sessions and Lillyanne’s incredible ability to connect some very important dots, my new behaviours are now in my subconscious meaning that I make better choices without even thinking.
Thank you, Lillyanne for changing my life for the better. For showing me what it really means to feel nurtured. Most of all thank you for guiding me in establishing healthy boundaries and learning that it’s ok to say no.