Why did I write Unashamed?
I wrote my memoir, ‘Unashamed’ because I had to live my life in shame for the best part of twenty years as a sex worker. It is a story of survival and resilience that largely centres around breaking through the barriers of shame and owning who you are. I wanted to ‘out’ myself as a sex worker, make myself vulnerable in order to make life better for the next generation of sex workers.
I wanted to show the positive side to the sex industry. For far too long, we have only been told one side of the story; the dark side, the ‘sex workers as victims’ side, sex work as being ‘seedy’ and volatile. These were not my experiences. I am not a victim. I chose to work as a sex worker. I enjoyed it. I met some lovely clients along the way. Sex workers are such an important part to society. The best sex workers really do have the power to heal. I wanted my story to help shift perspectives and show the healing, nurturing side to the sex industry. The danger isn’t in the sex work itself. The danger is in the shaming us and shoving us into the shadows pretending we don’t exist. Well, we do exist and that is ok. No more shame and no more hiding. Shaming us only encourages those intent on exploiting us. Sex work isn’t dangerous. Aggressive men are and they exist anywhere and everywhere.
I want to use my life experiences to help others. I want to become the voice of sex workers everywhere. I don’t want anyone else to go through what I went through. For years I felt like I was a bad person just for doing something that felt natural to me and that was ultimately helping people. I came to learn how dangerous shame is; shame causes people to live in isolation and fear. It is directly linked to drug and alcohol abuse, eating disorders, depression and self-harm.
It was whilst working with my current therapist, that I started to own who I am and accept who I am with love and compassion. The scary thing for me when it came to shame, was that I didn’t even realise that I felt shame until my therapist pointed it out. As a result, I began to feel the happiest that I’d ever felt. She really helped me to break through it. When I finally began to make those break throughs, I felt a huge sense of freedom. Almost like a heavy weight that I had been carrying around all these years, was finally lifted! Something inside of me was released! As a result, I got myself sober, invested in a holiday let and wrote my memoir in the hope that it will help others to break free from the shackles of shame.
Comments are closed.